worthallthis | The Last Voyages: IC Inbox

"Including full frontal nudity - well. I got that. You didn't."

Except it's said stupidly fondly, because what a way to meet a guy, right? But really, seriously, "Yeah. He was - He always listened, you know? He took things seriously when no one else would."

B snorts a little. "No, thankfully. Whenever he did the wolf change thing he always left the room. Though mostly when he did. It was when I was in some kinda state, so maybe it was less modesty and more politeness." He shuts his eyes against Steve's shoulder. "He always did get to deal with me in a state more than most people did. Except maybe you."

"Well, if he did, I know he never held it against you. He's always been kinda good at that. Seeing people at their worst, and just - dealing with it."

Lark's a problem-solver, and while sometimes those solutions can be complex and take time to come to fruition, sometimes he's just an instinctually good person to have on your side.

Well. He was. He still is, out there, Steve hopes, but not here anymore. God. It feels so empty without him, already.

"Maybe, uh. We can be like that. For somebody here. Since we know how it helps."

Because Lark sure as hell saw Steve in plenty of states, too. Just like B.

"Love to," B agrees. "Just gotta. Get enough people interested in trusting us with that sorta thing, first." B can count a handful who probably do. Sweeney, probably. Shaw, definitely. Maybe Rawne, though B isn't sure Rawne ever has states. Laura and Natasha, in Steve's case. Franky, but she's leaving. Crozier, maybe, though he's more likely to lean on his other people B thinks.

God, he needs to meet more people.

"Yeah," Steve agrees, voice quiet, thoughtful. Almost wry. "That really is the trick. Funny how that's kinda the one thing that's most likely to backfire on you when you try harder."

Because you can't make people trust you, he knows. "All you can do is try to be there, and maybe you get lucky. But even if you don't - you were still there, I guess."

"Then, of course," B continues, mostly jokingly now, even if it's slightly strained joking, "even once you've got trust, you have to have trust with somebody who is willing to be in a state every now and then. At all. Tricky, that one. You know I don't think I ever actually saw Lark unsteady more than... I think once."

"Lark's a special case," Steve puts in, wryly. "Can't measure anything by him." God, just thinking about it makes him miss Lark all over again, but that's just how it's gonna be, he knows.

"Besides, most states aren't willing, right? I think it's more luck." Catching them like that, he means. "Except for the part where I triggered most of yours, but I guess that's just my luck. And yours."

B gives Steve a little punch in the shoulder. Just a little one. "Those were good, though. Remembering shit even if it scared me." Maybe he didn't understand at the time, but being around Steve woke things up, maybe faster than if he hadn't been around him. "You aren't still beating yourself up about that, are you?"

"No," not really, "I just - I know it wasn't easy." For so many reasons: for worrying Steve wanted him to be someone else, for not knowing what might pop up any given time they talked, for the way Steve still felt like he didn't know how to get it right or help him remember without it being painful, even without it being the first few times around.

"I'm glad I was here for it," he finds himself saying, because he is. It's so, so selfish, and he probably looks torn over it, even though he doesn't sound it.

"I'm glad you were, too. Because I bet it woulda been harder without you. Don't know how that other guy did it, just getting all his ideas about our past from books and what memories hit him," B says, shaking his head a little, then setting it back down on Steve's shoulder. "It was hard, even here. But I never really wanted you to go away, even when it was bad."

"I don't know, either," Steve admits, quietly, and there's plenty of reverence, of respect, there. He wishes it hadn't been that way, but it had, and he doesn't know how Bucky did it - but he did, and that means a lot, too.

He relaxes just a little into B, even if he has to admit, "I really thought you should have. Wanted me to leave you alone." But B hadn't, and Steve hadn't been able to stay away without explicit instructions, so he guesses it worked out, if that's really how B had wanted it. "But it was nice. That you did want me around." Nice being a vast, gaping understatement. "That you gave me a chance to make up for it, even a little."

He lets out a breath, not wanting to argue about fault, because he knows they don't - and probably won't ever - see eye to eye on that. "I guess that's what we do, then. We stick around." For the people who need it.

Edited 2023-11-11 04:42 (UTC)

B doesn't want to argue about it, either, so he's just not going to bother. "Think it worked out, in the end," he says instead, giving Steve's shoulder a little pat before wrapping that arm back around him. "You an' me. Sticking around." B's pretty happy with it, even if there are still so many losses to weather. At least he doesn't have to weather them completely alone, like out in the world.

If he can help other people feel less alone, too, that's even better.

"That's what I'm good at," he says, with a hint of a sigh, though as soon as he says it, he winces a little, knowing that B's Steve... wasn't, apparently.

Well. He is. So there.

"We'll stick around," he confirms, even though he knows at least part of it isn't up to them. But some part of it is. "And maybe Lark will be back. Even if I'm still not sure I want him back."

He doesn't get mad at people for coming back, these days. But he still doesn't know that this really is the best life for anyone long-term. Except maybe Iris.

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