worthallthis | The Last Voyages: IC Inbox

They told us to picture a safe place in our minds and imagine ourselves there. They wanted us to practice - said the more we did, the better we'd get at visualizing on command. I didn't take it that seriously. I've never been that great at stuff involving imagination.

You know what, though? It actually ended up kind of working, some of the time.

Not a bad idea, I guess. I know I tried that for a little while, at the beginning, kind of all on my own. Pretended Steve was there or my ma or something. I mostly thought it was because I was just too afraid and lonely I made shit up to make myself feel better.

[Then, of course, the memories were gone and he couldn't comfort himself with anything.]

It doesn't mean that. And even if it did--

[A pause.]

I don't really... get afraid or lonely. But I've met plenty of good, brave people who do.

[Yeah, he absolutely doubts she doesn't feel afraid or lonely. She's poked him twice now late at night, once clearly out of fear and once now, he thinks out of loneliness. Not that he minds.]

Even if that's what it meant, it was-- it was necessary, at the time. There's no shame in being afraid or lonely, y'know? Especially when you're in a shit situation like that.

[He plays a broken chord on the piano, just for something to do with his hand; the sound will come through the communicator.]

Hell, I don't think I wasn't not afraid for the whole time they had me. It's part of how they controlled me, in the end.

I'm not ashamed. I just... don't. It's how I am.

[She's quiet for a moment, letting the chord ring out in the silence. Only when it's faded does she say:]

I was thinking leather. For a texture. I don't know if it'll do anything for me, though.

Mostly meant in relation to your attempt at reassuring me, but it's good to know you're not ashamed, either.

[There's a smile in his voice. He's only halfway telling the truth; he's not ashamed of his fear, really, but he does... regret. There's so much for him to regret.]

It might not. Maybe the smell will help ground you, instead of the texture. Especially if, I dunno, you had a good friend once who wore leather a lot. But I think it's worth a shot to try it. Maybe get a piece that's still kind of rough on one side, so there's two different textures to it.

It still seems really... farfetched. No offense.

I mean, there's a system of grounding that's specifically looking for different sensations. List out a number of things you can see, things you can hear, things you can smell, things you can touch. It's meant to pull you out of whatever sensation you're stuck in by reorienting you on the real world, I guess.

The reason soft things work for me is the association. I like them. They feel safe and comforting. They remind me of my friends and my room. It could be that it'll only work for you as something you use to distract yourself. It could be it won't work for you, at all.

But soft stuff seems kind of universally comforting, from what I've
seen. So it's worth a shot, you know?

[There's a several minutes' long pause here.]

This friend of mine from home had a leather jacket she wore a lot.

[B goes back to playing softly while he waits, figuring even if she winds up not answering again, the music might be nice to listen to. One of the quieter pieces, looped through again when the silence continues on.

When she answers, he brings the piece smoothly to an end.]

Then it's a good thing to start with. Especially if she's somebody you felt safe with.

Mmmmm.

[She sighs, and shifts; there's a rustling sound as she sits up.]

I guess it's something to think about. I can look in the... wardrobe, or whatever.

Did I wake you up?

Nah. I was up, playing.

[He lays down another couple chords in demonstration.]

Now that I got my warden key back I can come in here late at night when I'm feeling restless.

You're pretty good. I... think; I don't know anything about music.

My warden suggested it, ages ago. Well. She suggested the guitar, but metal fingers don't work so well for that. I honestly thought she was crazy until I tried it.

I've been practicing for almost a decade now. So I know I've at least got these songs down.

[He starts up another quieter piece, she might even recognize this one if she's a 70s fan.]

[It does sound vaguely familiar, and she lets him play in silence for a while. When he winds down that piece, though--]

I should go. Let you sleep.

You know the piano's in the art gazebo, and not my cabin, right?

[He sounds amused.]

I didn't get up and come all the way up here just while we were talking.

But I think I can sleep now, anyway. I got some good playing in. Some good conversation.

Yeah. Me, too.

[Maybe.]

Night.

The Last Voyages: IC Inbox

haha no worries!

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject