The Last Voyages: IC Inbox

[worthallthis]

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[worthallthis]

That does bring him up short, staring at Lark.

The thought hadn't even occurred to him. That he could go with Steve. Help save the world. Help stop Thanos. Work with Steve, not just send him with pages of plans. Be the proof certain people on the other side might need to believe Steve and take drastic measures they might not otherwise take.

"Lark. Are you a genius? Because that's. That's a great idea. If Steve lets me."

[ukan]

Lark smiles. "I can't think of a reason he wouldn't. He's stronger with you; and if for some reason he can't come back, he'll already have you with him."

[worthallthis]

B's eyes slide away. Most of his eye contact problem has gone away, but he still thinks better if he's not looking directly at someone. He doesn't go back to pacing, though. "That could work. To convince him. Would the Admiral let me? Do you think?"

He chews on the inside of his cheek a little, and admits, "I was surprised, you know. When the ship moved again. And my cabin stayed the way it was. That I wasn't demoted."

[ukan]

"I'm not." It's possible B could get demoted. Anyone can be, Lark included. But B didn't come this far to regress now.

"And yeah he'll let you. He let Alec and me go to another world to help out with a war. He let Steve go to his inmate's world to help her out."

[worthallthis]

"You're biased," B points out with a sad little smile. "Steve was mad I even considered it. But I killed people I didn't need to. So it was possible." He's glad it didn't happen, though, even if some little part of him still thinks a little punishment might make him feel better, in some twisted way.

He scrubs both hands down his face. "Okay. So the Admiral will probably let me go. We might be gone a while, for us. Probably not very long for you, though." He hasn't forgotten his nine year gap that was only four days for the Barge. "We'll have to decide if we're taking the animals. Or letting someone here watch them. Ugh."

[ukan]

"I'm no good with cats." Despite his best efforts, the things hate him, and he doesn't like them enough to try any harder than he has. "But there are plenty of people here who will watch them until you come back."

[worthallthis]

"I wouldn't ask you," B assures him, but without his nervous energy, he's actually run out of energy. He looks around for some kind of semi-soft surface to collapse on. "God it's been. It's been a hell of a day, Lark."

[ukan]

"One that I hope is on an upswing now," he says, smiling. "Is Steve going to be angry if he knows you told me?"

[worthallthis]

B finds one of the remaining kitchen chairs and sinks into it wearily. "Don't think so. More likely he'll be embarrassed."

He pulls the other chair out and pats the back. Sit with him, Lark. "He was. He was kinda upset. I think in almost the same way I was. Not knowing what did it. Not knowing what to do next."

[ukan]

"It drove me nuts for years not knowing what graduated me. Any hunches about what did it for him?"

[worthallthis]

Shrugging uncertainly, B says, "It could've been. Busting me out of prison without killing anyone. Or throwing himself in front of a pirate weapon for me. Or deciding to make a plan and stick to it, for the boat. All of them might fit the bill."

Graduation is so sticky. He's... maybe worked out what it was that did it for him, after much thought, years later, but it seems like such a dumb thing to graduate from that he's never actually told anyone.

[ukan]

"You're both sticking around for a while after you save his world? Or are you going to head out into the world?"

[worthallthis]

"He's staying for Annie, I think. And I'm staying until he leaves, at least. Maybe more if I get paired for good." Going out into the world... scares him, to be honest. But maybe this will be a good trial run. He rubs his fingers together in his lap, lacing them up. "The Barge is the first place I ever wanted to call home, you know. Since I was a kid. Leaving is gonna be hard."

[ukan]

I'm not ready for you to leave. But he doesn't say it. He doesn't want to do anything to make it harder on him.

"The one thing I know is there's always space for you to come back. Even if it's just to help one more person."

[worthallthis]

He's not ready to leave, either, Lark, don't worry. (Try not to graduate too fast, Annie.)

"Not sure if Steve will forgive me if I abandon him again," B says. "But we're not going anywhere yet." He still loves this damn ship. And he's exhausted. He just wants to stay put for a while, but-- better to keep an eye on Steve while he's off saving the world. "Well. Not for long, anyway."

[ukan]

"While you're out you should take some time for yourselves. It's been a while since you've had time to enjoy the outside world, hasn't it?"

[worthallthis]

"The last time I was out in the world, I alienated or lost everybody I cared about," B says with a self-conscious little shrug. "But I'm going to have to spend some time relaxing, at least. There's gonna be some time to kill between our getting there and the world being saved."

[ukan]

"That sounds very relaxing," he drawls, but it's good-natured. He knows how the long spaces between making a plan and enacting it, how the quiet before a battle starts, has to be filled with distractions and laughter.

[worthallthis]

"Yeah, yeah." He scrubs his hands down his face tiredly. "I've got a lot of plans to make. Steve's. Steve's great at battlefield plans. Tactics. Putting people where they need to be, to be effective. He's not so great at long-term strategy." And B wants to handle that for him, wants to make sure he's got those long-term plans, a roadmap even if he has to deviate from it. So this will work. So Steve can have a real win, for once.

[ukan]

"If you need someone to bounce an idea on, let me know."

[worthallthis]

"I don't know what I need at this point. I think." He pauses, chuckles weakly, and says, "I think. I'm tired of thinking. Maybe I need a goddamn nap."

He probably needs a lot of things, but coming down off his panic, after spending all that effort soothing Steve after his, he can't even think of any.

[ukan]

"You want a wolf to guard your nap?" Because he's pretty sure B could always use one.

[worthallthis]

B opens his mouth to say no. He really should get back to his own cabin. Stop bothering Lark. Lark's cabin is in shambles, and Alec could come back any time. And Lark is probably just as tired as he is.

Nothing comes out. He swallows, and says more honestly, in a smaller voice, "Maybe." Dogs are safe. Wolves are safe, too, even if technically they're people. He can't promise he'd actually nap, or that he wouldn't wind up bawling into Lark's fur, but it's not like it'd be the first time.

[ukan]

"Go," nodding at the sofa. "I'll be back down in a moment."

[worthallthis]

B moves over meekly to the sofa, and winds up pushing himself into the corner made by the back and the arm, feet up on the cushion, boots still on. Though he feels rude putting boots on the furniture, he can't bring himself to take them off and expose even his socked feet to the room.