worthallthis | The Last Voyages: IC Inbox

"If there's even a slight chance. For this to work. She's gotta know." You can't reprogram a murder machine without knowing how the original programming worked, he's pretty sure.

Steve just nods; maybe not necessarily agreeing, per se, but acknowledging that that's what Bucky thinks.

"I think she can handle it," he says, quietly. "I think she won't misuse that information against you. For what it's worth."

Very little, he suspects.

It's both very easy and very hard to trust Steve Rogers' instincts about people. There's a guy somewhere in there who did that for nearly twenty years, but then there's... the rest of him, who does not trust well at all, let alone someone else's judgment.

But he is pretty sure that if anyone, Ellie included, tried to use whatever is in that file against him, he's got a bunch of people who'd try to help stop her. For some reason. "It might change what she thinks about me," is what he says.

Steve chews on that for a moment. "I don't think it will," is what he eventually says, because he knows at least some of what's in that file, and he can guess at a little more. Plus, he knows things that probably aren't in there. Things he's at least hinted at to Ellie. Things about who Bucky used to be. About the man who's in there, even if he never sees the light of day again.

"Is that what you're most worried about?"

"There's a lot of shit I'm worried about, Rogers." He glares tiredly at the floor. For the past five months, he's had to answer to wardens in some fashion, but never in a way that mattered to them. Most of them he even liked, and had done their best to help him. But it hadn't mattered because he hadn't had to worry about this actual "getting better" thing. It hadn't been related to anyone's deal.

Now it's suddenly important. And he still doesn't have any idea what he's supposed to be doing. "What kind of shit is in those files. You have one. Natalia said."

Steve smiles wryly at that; yeah, he gets that, even if it's not something he wants to hear. He's not surprised. And he won't belittle it.

And at least that's a question he can answer. "Yeah. I do." He's not entirely surprised Natasha managed to get access to it, either. Not that there's much in there she doesn't know, either. "I've seen mine. It's... honestly like a mission report," he says, trying to put it into familiar terms. "Just a straightforward account of what's happened to you, what you've done. No bias, no justification, not what you were or weren't thinking. Just facts. Like a history book."

"Mission reports." That doesn't really make him feel a lot better. He's pretty sure he was on a lot of shitty missions, if the culmination of them was the one where he had to kill Captain America.

And if it's more than just missions. If it's... before. He bows his head to grind his palms into his eyes. "I should clean up. She's going to be looking for me. Probably."

Steve had been maybe hoping that would help more that it seems to have; not that he's sorry he told the truth, but he still wishes Bucky looked a little more relieved. Sure, he was on a lot of shitty missions. But he hadn't chosen any of them.

He hums by way of acknowledgement, since Bucky's got his face in his hands. "Do you want to use Lark's shower? It's more private. I can take Libby for a walk. Leave a note on the door for Lark to keep out for a bit."

He's half expecting the offer to be turned down, but he still can't help but make it.

Are you kidding? Having somewhere private to deal with a shower? (Maybe even a bath which will spoil him for showers forever?) He is jumping on that. "Yes. Let me. Get clean clothes."

(He can definitely take a bath if that's what he prefers.)

Steve can't deny the wash of relief at being able to do something, however small, for Bucky. "Okay. Just come on up with 'em. I'll get Libby ready to go and make sure Lark's cleared out if he's back."

A bath will be an absolute joy, Rogers. He will be grumpy at ever having to use a shower again. He pushes up from the wall wearily. "As long as he doesn't come in the bathroom. I don't really care what Lark does. Or you and Libby." It's not like he's not pretty familiar with having people around.

Well, weirdly enough, you know a guy with access to a tub who'd be happy to let you use it whenever you want.

He twitches one shoulder up in a shrug, starts heading for the door so he can be the one to pull it open. "Sure, whichever. I mean, Libby's always happy to go for a walk and Lark's not even home that much anyway. But I'll make sure you don't get walked in on, either way. You can take your time. Plenty of hot water." Which is a thing he'll secretly maybe never be over.

That requires asking, Rogers.

He does follow him out, though, with a simple, tired: "Thanks. For this, too." Guy's been solid, despite everything, and this was a good idea.

Well. Maybe Steve will just have to do the asking, then. Do you want to take a bath isn't a hard phrase to get out.

Still, he offers Bucky a smile at that, even if it's still tinged with guilt. He knows it hadn't fixed anything, but nothing can, really. "Sure, pal. I hope it helped. Always worked better for me than the alternatives, at least."

The Last Voyages: IC Inbox

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