[ Tony is almost perfectly still but for the way his knuckles pull taut as he grips the counter, and almost perfectly silent but for the way he breathes unnaturally slowly to pre-emptively stave off any panic. It's unfortunate that he can't quite find the verbiage to explain to Winter (to Barnes) that this reaction isn't anger, or actually a reaction at all, but a self-grounding mechanism to slap down his own nervous system when it attempts to go rogue on him. It's similar to the way he'd had a handle on things in Siberia, measuring his breaths via a tiny counter in his suit interface, up until the tape had rolled.
Thankfully he doesn't really need to explain anything in the end, as Barnes actually says a few additional words after he repeats himself as requested, filling that extra bit of space that Tony needs to make sure he won't start gasping for breath as soon as he opens his mouth. They're nice words, too. Gentle, earnest. Tony loosens his grip on the counter, just a little. ]
First off. [ Tony's voice sounds nice and steady to his own ears, so he finally looks up from the floor and lifts his shoulders a little, gaining confidence. ] You're still working on becoming a Real Boy again, right? You know what'll go a long way? Not springing a highly distressing subject on somebody as soon as you walk through their goddamn door. Give it like, ten minutes. Or at least make sure they aren't holding something breakable.
[ God, why did Barnes have to remember? This was way easier when Tony didn't have to talk about it. He takes another steadying breath, standing up straight at last, and lets his head fall back as he exhales. Eyes closed. Counter solid against his back. ]
And it's...fine. I mean-- no, it's not fine, there's never any way it can be fine, but... [ Breathe. ] It wasn't your fault. I'm not, I feel like... I can't hate a guy who didn't know what the hell he was doing. I don't know what kind of person I'd be if I did hate you, if he'd be good or bad or...justified, or whatever, but...
[ Breathe. ] ...I know I wouldn't like him. That guy.
[ Okay. It's all out. Nothing exploded and no one is dead. Tony's eyes open slowly, and then he finally looks at Barnes. ]
You gonna come here and help me clean this up? It's your fault I broke it.
no subject
Thankfully he doesn't really need to explain anything in the end, as Barnes actually says a few additional words after he repeats himself as requested, filling that extra bit of space that Tony needs to make sure he won't start gasping for breath as soon as he opens his mouth. They're nice words, too. Gentle, earnest. Tony loosens his grip on the counter, just a little. ]
First off. [ Tony's voice sounds nice and steady to his own ears, so he finally looks up from the floor and lifts his shoulders a little, gaining confidence. ] You're still working on becoming a Real Boy again, right? You know what'll go a long way? Not springing a highly distressing subject on somebody as soon as you walk through their goddamn door. Give it like, ten minutes. Or at least make sure they aren't holding something breakable.
[ God, why did Barnes have to remember? This was way easier when Tony didn't have to talk about it. He takes another steadying breath, standing up straight at last, and lets his head fall back as he exhales. Eyes closed. Counter solid against his back. ]
And it's...fine. I mean-- no, it's not fine, there's never any way it can be fine, but... [ Breathe. ] It wasn't your fault. I'm not, I feel like... I can't hate a guy who didn't know what the hell he was doing. I don't know what kind of person I'd be if I did hate you, if he'd be good or bad or...justified, or whatever, but...
[ Breathe. ] ...I know I wouldn't like him. That guy.
[ Okay. It's all out. Nothing exploded and no one is dead. Tony's eyes open slowly, and then he finally looks at Barnes. ]
You gonna come here and help me clean this up? It's your fault I broke it.